 |
Siblings of Children with Disabilities (April 2002)
How are children affected by having a brother or sister with a disability? What support can be provided to siblings of students with disabilities?
In the United States, over 5.8 million children have disabilities. Most have brothers and sisters. Throughout their lives, these brothers and sisters will share many-if not most-of the same concerns that parents of children with special needs experience, as well as issues that are uniquely theirs. These concerns are well known to their parents and have been documented in the research and clinical literature. Among the concerns mentioned by authors, parents, and siblings themselves include: feelings of isolation, guilt, resentment, perceived pressure to achieve, increased caregiving demands, and concerns about their role in their sibling's future.
A short list of opportunities observed by parents and brothers and sisters could include: the insights a sibling will have on the human condition: the maturity many brothers or sisters develop; the pride brothers and sisters report in their sibling's abilities; the loyalty brothers and sisters display toward their siblings and families; and the appreciation many brothers and sisters have for their good health and own families.
Below are suggestions for parents and service providers to minimize siblings' concerns and maximize their opportunities:
Provide brothers and sisters with age-appropriate information. Most brothers and sisters have a life-long, and ever-changing need for information. Parents and service providers have an obligation to proactively provide siblings with helpful information. Agencies representing specific disabilities and illnesses should be challenged to prepare materials specifically for young readers.
Provide siblings with opportunities to meet other siblings of children with special needs. For most parents, the thought of "going it alone," without the benefit of knowing another parent in a similar situation is unthinkable. Yet, this happens routinely to brothers and sisters. Sibshops and similar efforts offer siblings the same common-sense support that parents value. They let brothers and sisters know that they are not alone with their unique joys and concerns.
Encourage good communication with typically developing children. While good communication between parent and child is important, it is especially important in families where there is child with special needs. An evening course in active listening can help improve communication among all family members.
Encourage parents to set aside special time to spend with the typically developing children. Children need to know from their parents' deeds and words that their parents care about them as individuals. When parents carve time out of a busy schedule to grab a bite at a local burger joint or window shop at the mall with the typically developing child, it conveys a message that parents "are there" for them as well.
Parents and service providers need to learn more about siblings' experiences. Sibling panels, books, newsletters and videos are all excellent means of learning more about sibling issues. A bibliography is available from the Sibling Support Project.
Encourage parents to reassure their typically developing children by planning for the future of the child with special needs. Early in life, brothers and sisters worry about what obligations they will have toward their sibling in the days to come. Parents should be encouraged to plan for the future and share these plans with their children. When brothers and sisters are "brought into the loop" and given the message that they have their parents' blessing to pursue their dreams, their future involvement with their sibling will be a choice instead of an obligation.
(Excerpted from Meeting the Unique Concerns of Brothers and Sisters with Special Needs by Donald Meyer, available on the web at
http://www.thearc.org/siblingsupport/meetingtheconcernsof....htm)
|
